Three Things Your Wife Desperately Wants You To Know This Valentines Day

Most men find Valentines Day to be a day that hopefully goes by quickly.  Quick as a cat, or, as a Fighter Jet streaking across the sky. Buy her chocolates, take the wife out to dinner, and get home in time to watch Sports Center by 9 PM.  Sound familiar?  Yah, I thought so! On the other hand, wives who’ve been let down many times can send the message that Valentines Day doesn’t matter and that just hanging out at home is okay.  Really??? Don’t buy it for moment men!  She’s actually testing you to see if you REALLY care about her needs and will pass the test.  Test???

Yes, Valentines Day is actually “The Great Relationship Test Day!” Whether you’re aware of it or not, she is watching you. She’s actually watching you very closely.  “Does he really get me, does he know me…in fact, does he even CARE about me?”  For us men that just don’t seem to get it, I’m offering you a marriage “life preserver.” One that can actually bring your marriage back from the predictable, seemingly boring, doldrums.  Here’s three things that will help you make Valentines Day 2015 a slam dunk! Yes, I put the sports comparison there purposely for you just to keep your attention.

First, don’t wait until Friday the 13th (yes, it’s Friday the 13th this year!) to buy her a gift(s) or a card.  Just so you know, all the good cards and all the best gift ideas will be crazily picked over by then.  Doesn’t matter if its Magna, West Valley or Salt Lake City. You need to think ahead man and get her something that she would really like and appreciate.  Btw, generally ditch the idea of lingerie.  Some women really like it as a gift…most look at it as a cop-out. Something that YOU actually want but not by her.  Oh, got her lingerie last year??? Hmmmm, better think this through before you blow it big time! No slam on romantic lingerie…just sayin’, think it through very well. You’re being tested man!

Next, absolutely look beyond yourself and simply ask sincerely, “what does my wife (or girlfriend) really enjoy?”  Think on that for a few moments and then begin to do it.  Here are some extra creative ideas:

* Surprise her by doing something that you don’t normally do for her.  If she hates dishes, wash them.  Pick up the kids from school.  Do a load of laundry.  Wash and vacuum her car.  Be creative! You know her better than anyone, right!?

Lastly, make Valentines Day this year completely about her.  Here’s a fool-proof idea that will absolutely warm her heart and make you the hottest man in Salt Lake City. On Valentines Day morning, get up well before she does and cook her favorite breakfast.  Don’t know what that is, ouch! Then ask her mom, the kids, or a neighbor.  After breakfast, do the dishes!  Spend time with her and then take her out for lunch at her favorite restaurant in West Valley or Tooele. One of my favorites is the Silver Fork Lodge in Big Cottonwood Canyon.  A bit of a drive, but well worth it.  Park City is close by, too.  And, the drive time can be filled with great conversation about, well, her.  Get it?  For the evening, take her out once again.  Doesn’t have to be hugely pricey but dinner would be nice, or, a romantic “chick flick” in Digital HD.  Another cool idea is to have her favorite dessert on the way home.  Oh, and make sure to have one dessert with two spoons.  Extra romantic!

Valentines Day

One last shout out to you men reading this blog.  Totally make sure that all that you do is with her in mind.  Reach beyond you and put yourself in HER shoes. This may sound a bit strange but think like a woman. Help her understand that you totally love her and would do anything for her, even if it includes going to a movie made for a female audience.  And if you’re a woman reading this blog post, please have your husband or boyfriend read it..and more than once! Then, let the romance and connection begin.  Please also check out this blog post written last Valentines week regarding your just “Dues” in marriage.

May you pass the Test on Valentines Day, and, throughout the year as you meet her needs every day. Your marriage or relationship is counting on it!!!

Michael Boman, LCSW, is a Relationship and Marriage expert who assists couples improve their closeness, trust and connection.  He welcomes your comments and ideas at [email protected]


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