Pornography/Sexual Addiction Counseling in Magna
Recovery from Sexual Addiction in Magna/West Valley is Possible
When a wife discovers that her husband has an addiction to pornography she is emotionally overwhelmed. Her reactions usually include being baffled by an addiction that she doesn’t understand and finds overwhelmingly abhorrent. She may also feel emotionally doubled over similar to being punched in the stomach by an invisible fist that literally knocks her over emotionally. The initial reaction of shock can progress to numbness as she searches for answers to “why” this has occurred. She is left with many, many unanswered questions. Some of these typically include:
- How long has his addiction to pornography been going on?
- Am I not good enough for him, pretty enough, sexy enough?
- Is his addiction my fault? What did I do wrong? Am I ‘okay?’
- Where can I turn for help, or for counseling for my husband?
- Am I the only wife that is ‘suffering in silence’ regarding pornography addiction
Not surprisingly, a common response for a woman following the discovery of a sexual addiction is to rescue or protect her husband from further exposure to pornography. Thus, she may take it upon herself to get the latest filtering software, a new router or become the sleuth and check the history of the computer frequently. She may also check his smart phone, his brief case, his car, etc., etc. Not surprisingly, this can only be marginally effective. While it is indeed wise to have a filter on the computer, if a computer savvy husband wants to locate pornography, simply stated he will. Just as the alcoholic, food addict or drug addict will find a way to locate their drug of choice, the pornography addicted male will do the same without effective intervention. Many men that we see at our offices for counseling have tried literally thousands of times to stop the cycle of pornography addiction. Further, to “white knuckle” their recovery with all or some of the following statements:
- This is absolutely the last time I will look at pornography!
- I will stop looking at pornography on the first day of ‘X’ _____ (insert month)
- I will stop looking at pornography after I’m married (if the man is single)
- Or, I can stop anytime…what is wrong with occasionally indulging anyway?
- Or, I will NOT succumb to temptation!!! Today I’m done! (again)
All of the above statements can help….for a few days to perhaps a few weeks. Help, that is temporary at best. When a man has used pornography and its related behaviors to cope with essentially all stress or to mask feelings his entire teenage an adult life…just stopping is essentially impossible. When the answer to stress = pornography, or the answer to fear = pornography or the response to being bored = pornography…something has to change to facilitate effective recovery from a pornography/sexual addiction. Simply stated, “the best predictor of the future is the past.” Thus, unless something changes through psycho-education, self-care and counseling, the past will be repeated for years to come. However, the statement “once an (active) addict always an (active) addict isn’t necessarily true. Lasting recovery is indeed very possible.”
Help is available through expert therapists that have specialized training in treating pornography and sexual addictions. England Counseling Services and LifeSTAR Oquirrh clinical staff possess the expert skills necessary to assist the pornography addicted husband and his wife heal from the ravages of this addiction. Treatment for the husband focuses on the root causes of the addiction such as birth family issues, self-loathing, perfectionist obsessions, fear of failure, etc. Unresolved trauma issues from childhood or teenage years can also be present. Treatment for his wife focuses on healing the damage the addiction has produced in her life. Issues related to trust, self-esteem, body image and perfectionist leanings are common with the women we treat. The important key is that healing is possible. Marriages can heal. Trust can be restored. Marriages can survive and ultimately thrive once again. Please call us today to begin the process of effectively healing for you and ultimately your marriage.
Michael Boman, LCSW, is the Clinical Director for England Counseling Services and LifeSTAR Oquirrh. Michael is a Marriage and Relationship expert whose clinical work focuses on improving damaged marriages and relationships. Michael is accepting new clients and can be reached by phone at (801) 250-2909. He can also be reached for comment at [email protected]