5 Fights that Are Normal For Couples in Marriage!

Not Fighting in your Marriage? You better start fighting…to be Normal!

Couples fight about a number of things. That’s normal.  The unhealthy part in fighting is when it goes on indefinitely without resolution.  When this occurs, then it’s likely abnormal and damaging. These issues need to be worked on, likely through counseling. Let me be clear that we’re not talking about abuse or violence.

What do couples fight about in Marriage in Magna, Tooele, or Murray?

1) Sex. All couples fight about sex. Whether its frequency, creativity, location, or “when”…men and women just see sex and intimacy differently. Normal? Absolutely. Workable? Definitely!

2) Money. This is huge as men and women can be polarized on this subject. Couples are obviously raised in different environments. If she was raised in matriarchal family and he in a patriarchal focused family, let the fireworks begin! They will both see their own views as correct….period. Better seek out a good therapist on this one.

3) Kids. How to raise them. How to discipline. How to reward. Dad’s often lean more punitively and mom’s toward redirection and understanding. After all, she packed this kid around for 9 months during pregnancy, nurtured her or him, etc. It’s normal for both parents to see their view as most correct. However, as couples move forward in their marriage a more balanced approach typically emerges. Let’s hope so!

4) Recreation. Most couples don’t balance on what to do for fun. She may like to hang out and read a good book on her Kindle. He thinks this is boring and wants to go hiking, biking, fishing, etc.  Explosion, hurt feelings and feeling like ticked-off “roommates” can result. Taking an every other weekend or more balanced approach totally works. Nothing abnormal here.

5) In Laws. Fighting about In-Laws is very common…in fact very normal. Whether its mom-in-laws doting x 10 over the grandkids or wanting to spend too much time directing the relationship, this is fodder for fighting. The term out-laws didn’t just happen. Can this be worked on and improved? Absolutely!

All of these are normal for fighting about. Dealing with them is another matter! What works? Here’s a link with additional helpful information http://englandcounseling.org/three-marriage-musts-from-your-family/

3 Ways to Deal with Normal couples fights

Fighting or disagreeing may be normal but it doesn’t have to blow you out of your marriage.  Talk about sex. Agree on money. Don’t defer to mom-in-law. Learn to balance. Make sense?

Secondly, don’t avoid the key discussions.  Procrastination won’t solve the problem. Nor will a fear based approach of confronting the issues.  Talk. Listen. Learn. Improve!

Third, not only talk about it, work towards an agreement on the hard stuff. Set goals. Revisit them often. Truly understand what he or she needs.

If lovemaking is a huge challenge and it is in almost every couple relationship, discuss what the wants and needs are for both. Give a little here. Balance a little better there.  Above all, don’t personalize these areas. Work toward what will improve the overall relationship.  Nice! After all, you got married to make each other happy.  Love, agreement, and balance will accomplish just that. Don’t believe me? Give it a sincere try. It actually does work!

For additional information, please follow this link http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/fighting-fair/fighting-fair

Michael Boman, LCSW is a therapist for England Counseling in Magna. He works with couples that struggle in their marriage. He has 15+ years experience in assisting couples in making their marriages work.  He can be reached at [email protected] and speaks and blogs often on marriage, addictions, health, and self-care. And, Healing Outdoors!